So yesterday my new contact person at OPUS (a 2 year program for people between the ages of 18-35 with psychotic disorders) confirmed that I have been diagnosed with schizotypal disorder.

When I first heard it mentioned a couple of weeks ago I was very doubtfull, I didn’t feel like any of the symptoms fit with me and it just didn’t feel right, but during my meeting with my Contact we went through the symptoms and I can now better understand why I got that diagnosis.

I still feel doubtful. I have a constant feeling inside that every symptom is made up in my head, that I have convinced myself that I am suffering from this and am deliberately making myself seem sick in some twisted search for attention. It feels like there is another me inside that is feeding me these thoughts and feelings and things to say to make people believe I am sick, but I don’t know how to stop it, and I don’t know how to tell the difference between my own thoughts and feelings and the ones that come from the other me. It is very distressing since I don’t feel I can trust my own thoughts and never know when a thought is true and when it is made up. It is making me distrustful of myself and others since I also have a feeling that everyone else knows that I am making it up and they are just playing along all the while hating me for it and laughing at me behind my back, rolling their eyes everytime I turn my back to them.

I suspect that this is just another symptom of the disorder. It isn’t pleasant.

I will meet my contact again next week together with a doctor, who will perform a medical exam.

I don’t really know what more is to come, I am just trying to get used to the idea of having this diagnosis.

I am sharing this here because I’ve been having trouble finding any stories online of people with the same disorder so I hope that this might provide someone else with what I have been looking for.

   Schizotypal Disorder as defined by the ICD-10:

“A disorder characterized by eccentric behaviour and anomalies of thinking and affect which resemble those seen in schizophrenia, though no definite and characteristic schizophrenic anomalies occur at any stage. The symptoms may include a cold or inappropriate affect; anhedonia; odd or eccentric behaviour; a tendency to social withdrawal; paranoid or bizarre ideas not amounting to true delusions; obsessive ruminations; thought disorder and perceptual disturbances; occasional transient quasi-psychotic episodes with intense illusions, auditory or other hallucinations, and delusion-like ideas, usually occurring without external provocation. There is no definite onset and evolution and course are usually those of a personality disorder.”


An encounter with a confused blind guy

A couple of years ago I was going to a The Script concert with my brilliant friend, Emma. Before the concert we sat down in a McDonald’s to get something to eat. We found a seat and decided to order one at a time, that way one of us could keep an eye on our stuff while the other ordered. I went up first and then Emma went to buy her food.
The table we were sitting at was a small, two persons table with a chair on one side and a long bench on the other. I was sitting on one end of the bench and started eating my fries as I waited for Emma to return. As I waited I noticed a guy with a cane talking to a man sitting at a table with his two babies a couple of tables away from us. Let’s just call the blind guy John. John was talking to the father, but I only heard snippets of what he was saying. He was talking about a train he was supposed to take from the Central Station and that the train would be leaving at around eight, but the Central train Station was miles away from where we were and he was talking to the father as if he was trying to order his ticket from him, as if he was in the Central Station right now. I noticed that the father had a troubled look on his face and was constantly shooting looks to the counter as if trying to catch the eye of an employee. By now Emma had returned and I discreetly made her aware of the scene that was playing out behind her. The father was repeatedly asking John to kindly leave him alone, that he could not buy a ticket here and that he was not at the train station, but John wouldn’t hear any of it and just kept talking to him.
John was still speaking jovialy with the father when the father picked up his kids and walked to the counter. He quickly returned with an employee who told John that he was disturbing the customers and had to leave if he wouldn’t stop. The employee was very kind and polite and lead John to the exit. When John exited, the employee went back to his job.
But John was not finished. He entered the McDonald’s again and Emma and I started looking at each other with big eyes as he very slowly edged his way closer and closer to us. And as we feared he started speaking to us, or me rather. He asked me if he could buy a ticket from me, and that he had to get the train at eight o’clock. I told him that he was at McDonald’s and that he could not buy a ticket with me here. He said that he had called ahead and made sure that the ticket would be ready when he came. He started talking about where he was going and why he had bought the train ticket. Emma and I were just looking at each other unsure of what to do. We are both very quiet people and very non-confrontational, so telling someone that they are bothering us and to please leave us alone is very unnatural to us. But luckily the father with his kids saw that John had moved over to us and he fetched the same employee as before. The McD employee approached John again and told him that he had to stop talking to the customers, that we were trying to eat and that he was disturbing us. But now John started getting aggressive and he said that he was speaking on the phone with me and that he knew me and that I worked for the S-train (a train in Denmark). The employee looked at me kindly and asked me if I indeed knew the man and wether I worked with the S-train, and I said I did not. So once again he asked John to please leave us alone, but John was getting agitated and suddenly he started sitting down where I was sitting. I had to quickly scoot out of the way so that he wouldn’t sit down on my lap. Emma and I stood and John started spouting more of his nonsense about his train ticket and the train leaving at eight, so the employee just looked at us resignedly and said that we could just move to another seat and that he would deal with it.
So Emma and I moved our stuff and food and looked on as the employee managed to convince John to leave the restaurant. After John had left, the employee approached us again and offered us free ice cream or coffee, which we politely declined and thanked him for the help. Emma and I had a bit of a laugh about the entire thing even though I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the guy, since he had obviously been very confused.
When we had finished our food and stood to leave, John returned and started harassing some guys who had just sat down, so before we left we notified the employee again and felt bad for him that he had to deal with the guy for the third time. He offered us free coffee again before we left, which we declined again.

After the concert we went back in to the McDonald’s to get something to drink only to find out that the entire credit card system all over Copenhagen had broken down so you couldn’t pay using cards anywhere in the city. I have never heard about something like that happening before, so that was just another strange occurance to add to the day.

But it was a great concert!

A frightening encounter

I grew up in Greenland although I moved from there to Denmark 10 years ago, and this story takes place on the island Uummannaq when I was in second or third grade, so I must have been 7 or 8 years old. I am female.

I came home from school only to realize that I had forgotten my gym bag at the gym so I had to go back to fetch it. Now, the school and the gym are not placed next to each other. Since it’s a small island the gym we used for school was also the one used for any other major event that needed a large hall so it wasn’t one used exclusively for the school. To get to the gym from the school you had to walk up a steep road flanked by cliffs and then cross another bigger road, onto a small road that lead up to the gym. From the gym you could look down all the way to the road leading down to the school and no one ever went down that road unless they were headed to the school.

So I started heading to the gym, but on my way there I was stopped by a guy who was a famous creeper amongst the kids on my age. You could always see him walking around with an iron rod in his hands and he would often approach kids and talk to them. We were often warned not to talk to him. As I walked along the road he stepped in front of me and when I tried to walk around him he just cut me off.

“Where are you going?” he asked with a big grin showing off his black and rotting teeth. I was pretty scared and it was very clearly showing on my face and behavior, but without thinking I blurted out: “To the school to get my bag.” even though I wasn’t technically going to the school and I actually felt kind of bad for lying to him haha.

At that he smiled and stepped aside to let me pass. I hurried along and when I looked behind me he was standing still in the center of the road looking at me. I ran the rest of the way to the gym and quickly got my bag from the changing rooms. When I came out of the entrance to the gym I was just about to make my way back when I looked to the road leading down to the school and saw the creeper turn down the road. I was horrified and knew I had dogded a bullet. I was too afraid to make my way back the same way I had come so instead I took a shortcut that ran behind the gym and cut across the cliffs. I hated that shortcut because in the summer there were always douzens of sled dogs chained to the ground and you had to make your way through them like a maze, making sure not to get inside the radius of their chains, and they always barked and growled at you as you went by. I cried the entire way home but I don’t actually remember if I told my parents about it. I think about it often and wonder what would have happened had I actually gone to the school instead of the gym.

At least I can be sure never to run into him again since I moved to another country.

A wild dream

January 23th, 2018

I had a pretty crazy dream last night.

In the dream it is New Years Eve and I am in the city celebrating it. A girl that I used to tutor in English (Gülse) asks me if they can give her a ride. So my sister, Lea, and I get a ride with Gülse and her family. We get to their house, which is actually not even their house, but the house of another friend of mine, Nikoline. But in the dream this house belongs to them.
They give me a room with a bed on the top floor but I start to feel that something is off, something is wrong here and these people don’t acutally mean well. Lea gets a room downstairs and we very quickly fall asleep as if we have been drugged.
All of this is happening very fast, as if someone is pressing the fast forward button on a remote control.
I wake up in the middle of the night and realize that the police and a SWAT team has surrounded the house. They are there because of the family that gave us a ride, but I just know that if Lea and I are caught with them they will shoot us too. So I run downstairs and grab Lea and we run upstairs again and hide in a bathroom. We get into the tub, which is filled with water for some reason, and press ourselves up against the wall. By now I am certain that Gülse’s family drugged us earlier because Lea is very beside herself and acting extremely careless considering that our life is on the line; she is whispering loudly and smiling stupidly and kicking the water. I am desperately trying to make her stay quiet but when I put my hand over her mouth she just starts giggling loudly.
Then I hear a detective make his way down the hallway towards the bathroom. I look pleadingly at Lea and pray to God that she will stay quiet. The detective enters the room. He is bald and huge and has a very angry look on his face. I know that if he sees us he will certainly kill us.
Now, the tub that we are hiding in isn’t excactly hidden behind a curtain or anything. Actually, there is absolutely nothing shielding us from his view. The curtain is actually lying in the bathtub. Yet, when he makes his way in, he doesn’t see us. He keeps his back partially turned towards us and never looks in our direction. Lea starts whispering and fidgeting but miraculously he doesn’t hear her. He looks out the window on the wall opposite the one from the door. He never turns and looks at us, but seems to have decided that the room is cleared. He turns and makes his way to the door, when Lea kicks the shower curtain in the tub, making a noise he can’t possibly have missed. He stops and turns his head slightly towards us. I know what is to come and what I have to do now. Just as he starts turning around to look at us I reach out, grab him by the head and slam his head into the edge of the bathtub. I don’t wait around to see if he is hurt or if he is dead, I just grab Lea by the arm and sprint out the house.
We start running away from the house, the SWAT team close behind, guns drawn and ready to shoot. I know we have to stay out of sight because they will shoot first and ask questions later. We run for some time, sneaking through backyards and alleyways.
Somehow I come to know that there is another detective present in the hunt. But this detective is very different from the detective in the bathroom. She is open and thoughtful and is one that listens to your situation. She is skeptical to what her superiors tell her and I know that if we approach her and explain to her our situation she will understand and not just shoot us.
Oh yeah, and in my dream, this detective is Viola Davis.
At this point I know that we will not be able to reach Viola in time, and then all of a sudden we are back at the house. I have just woken up and realize that a SWAT team is surrounding the house. And I realize that we have a second chance. If we can get out of the house and go straight to Viola then everything will work out well.
I got get Lea and we rush up to the same bathroom as before, this time however we do not hide in the bathtub. There is a maid in the bathroom and she is airing out sheets through the window. I grab a sheet and run to the window and start to shake it and pretend that I am a maid too. Lea is just standing behind me looking at me skeptically. I grab her and pull her to me, give her a sheet and show her what to do. We start talking and laughing amongst ourselves to make it look like we are just doing our daily work. I hear the bald headed detective make his way towards the bathroom again. He enters and looks at us from behind, and then he leaves again. Our disguise worked.
I grab Lea and we run out the house (don’t ask me how we avoided the SWAT team) and we find the detective, Viola Davis, and explain to her everything that happened.

This is where this dream ends. I start dreaming something else but it is too fragmented for me to actually tell you what I dreamed next. It has something to do with bicycles and badminton and ice cream and an apartment we once lived in on Godthåbsvej. And I think our old friends, Elisabeth and Kristin, were in there somewhere too.

Well, that was the end of that dream.

A long dream

January 18th, 2018

I just woke from a dream that had a lot going on. Let me try to tell the story.

The first part of the dream begins in a quiet and dark and eerie town. I am walking down the street with my friend. It’s not a real friend of mine it’s just someone that is my friend in the dream, but as I remember it the girl resembles Jodelle Ferland’s character, Lilith, in “Case 39”. I’ll just call her Lilith from now on.

So, Lilith and I are walking down the street when we are approached by the police and they seem annoyed and hostile. They take Lilith in and unjustly arrest her. I try to stop them but there is nothing I can do. I am now upset and don’t know what to do so I open a door to a café/home and three people are inside. These three people I don’t know in the dream, but they resemble three amazing friends I know from Teenstreet; Katharina, Debby and Tim. So I’ll just call them by those names. They are all very welcoming, Kate especially and they listen to my story and give me pancakes. I tell them I need to use the bathroom so Kate shows me to three toilets, two with red doors and one with a blue door that is slightly transparent. Now this is where a long time fear of mine kicks in and tries to taunt me in my dreams like so many times before, so, of course, I choose the blue door. I have this thing with toilets; a big fear of mine is to be humiliated while sitting on the toilet, and I have had so so many dreams where I have been sitting on the toilet in public areas with nothing to hide behind, but the thing is that in every dream the people around me don’t think anything of it. They don’t laugh at me or think it’s strange or digusting. I am the only person that thinks it isn’t right to be sitting in the middle of a crowded room on a toilet. So, yeah. There you go. Analyse away on that If you want.

Alright, so I am sitting on the toilet, feeling humiliated, while Kate, Debby and Tim are just walking around and talking and opening my door to talk to me and they don’t find any of it strange or funny. Finally I finish and walk out to them. I am still in the back of my head trying to figure out what to do about Lilith.

Now, the dream takes quite a jump. The street is desolate, Kate, Debby and Tim are gone. Lilith has been freed. It is dark and grey and creepy. And there is some kind of spindly creature roaming around, but somehow I know that the creature is kind, and it is a friend of Lilith’s.
I feel like, there is a part of this dream that I just don’t remember, but I’ll just continue from here.
The creature has freed Lilith and is taking her with it to where they belong. I watch from the sidelines as the creature, holding Lilith, lowers itself into a hole in the ground and then covers up the hole, making it look like there never was a hole in the first place.

Now comes the second part of my dream.

I am now at an airport with two friends: Otto and Omar. Omar is going to take a plane to Berlin and Otto and I are standing there waving him farewell. I wave and yell at him; “Goodbye Otto!” But then I look at Otto at my side at laugh and say; “Wait, you are Otto, he is Omar.” Feeling silly I wave again and yell; “Goodbye Omar!”
Now there is an announcement over the loudspeakers, and they say that there are vacant seats on the plane to Berlin and that you can get one for free. Otto asks me if I want to go, but I say I can’t because I don’t have money to live in Berlin or to get back. But suddenly I find myself in the plane to Berlin, excited for the trip. Otto is gone and so is Omar. I choose a seat and strap myself in. The plane takes off and only five minutes later it lands again in another city because there is some kind of problem with the plane. We are told to stay put in the plane, but I quickly change seats to another vacant one.
The plane takes off again but lands yet again only minutes later, in another city. Suddenly we are air born again, it is night and the plane is on fire. I turn into a dragon as the airplane is attacked by other airborne creatures.
Then, all of a sudden, I am back at the original airport, the announcement is being made that there are free seats to go to Berlin and my entire family is there and they plan on going. I can only follow them onto the plane with the knowlegde that this plane is going to be attacked and crash. I sit in the plane with my parents and four siblings and my grandparents are there too. They are not actually going with us, they just came aboard the plane to say goodbye, because for some reason they thought that was a thing that was okay. The doors to the plane are closed and my grandparents confront a flight attendant and say they must be let out, but the lady says that that is no longer possible and that they shouldn’t have boarded the plane to begin with. The lady then says that one of them will be allowed to leave but he will be dropped off a long way down the runway, and it is a long “hike” back to the airport (she literally says “hike”). At first my grandmother says that it sounds good and that she can just stay in the plane while my granfather is let out, but when she hears about the “hike” she is chocked and terrified because my grandfather can’t possibly make that long “hike” with his old body …
The next thing I know, the plane is in the air, no one left the plane and we are headed to Berlin and our imminent doom.
Suddenly the sky turns dark and cloudy and the plane is attacked by flying creatures. I turn into a Dragon and try to fight them off with my family cheering at me in the background.

I wake up before I know what happens next.

A classic nightmare

This is another one of the oldest dreams I can recall having

So this dream is pretty classic, I’ll explain in a bit.

So I grew up in Greenland, we lived there for around seven years, i think. And we had a bunch of sled dogs. One of those dogs has a role in my dream.

The dream takes place on a mountain side where our house lay. A neat brown wooden house with a wonderful view. Though in this dream I wasn’t exactly enjoying the view. In summer, all of our dogs were chained to the cliff just outside of our house on the mountain side. And in the dream I walk out of my house and make my way, slowly, towards the dogs. All the dogs are barking and are agitated, and here comes the classic part; It’s all in slowmotion. The dogs are barking in slow motion, I see my family further ahead going about their bussiness in slow motion, and I am walking towards them in slow motion. But then, all of a sudden, one of our dogs, Barbie (yes, we had a dog named Barbie …) gets loose from her chain and starts running towards me, foam around her mouth, fangs bared and murder in her eyes, but she is not running in slow motion.

I scream and turn around and start running towards the door, but I am still running slow, and as I run I can feel my heart start beating even slower and my legs slow down. I look behind me and she is still shooting straight for me, she is going to sink her teeth into my back and rip me up, but I can’t run from her. I turn to the house and keep running and I can physically feel on my back, her presence coming nearer and nearer and just as she is behind me and is going to kill me, I wake up.


A dream – offerings

January 17th, 2018

Alright, so, I had a pretty strange dream last night.

The dream took place on the street of my old school, on J. M. Thielesvej in Copenhagen. It’s a small and pretty quiet road that connects three other bigger roads, and apparently in the dream there is an underground river of sorts flowing beneath the road and someone has found a body in the river.

I find myself standing on the road with some policemen and other pedestrians looking down on the river through a big opening in the road, at the body that is lying there at the edge of the river. At couple of men jump down to retrieve the body but a police officer looks at me and asks me to get more people to help with the body. So i turn around and there is a door to my right. I pulled at the handle and push at the door and it opens to the second floor of an apartment complex. Two people are walking up the stairs to their apartments and I shout at them to come help. They run to help the police officer and I watch them go, but then turn back around to the staircase and yell at another two people to come help. I do this a couple of times.

Suddenly I find myself away from the murder scene and back on the road of my school that is quiet again. I look around and  somehow I just know that more people have been killed than the man in the river, two more to be exact. Suddenly I am looking at myself from a third person perspective and I am no longer human. I am some sort of evil shadowy creature and it is me who have killed the three people. My eyes are pointy and red and my fingers long and sharp. Another shadowy, bigger, figure appears next to me and I look at it conspiratorially and say; “The victims have been killed.” And I name them all with the titles I have given them, although I only recall one of the names: “The mother”. “The mother” is one of the two other victims that was found, a boy actually that I knew was pregnant with a child, therefore I named him, “The Mother”. I hand the three souls of the murdered victims to the big shadowy figure and look around to see if anyone is watching the transaction. The figure thanks me and vanishes in a wisp of smoke. I smile as my job has been done and then I wake up.

There are always bits of pieces in dreams that are more feelings and senses of events than actual memories of things happening and they are always a large part of the dreams that I have, yet they are so small that I can’t seem to grab a hold of them and begin to describe them with words. They will for ever stay in my mind.

A creepy (yet hilarious) dream

An old dream

This dream starts out creepy, though it has a very funny ending.

In the dream I am walking around a dark, yet beautiful palace, with my sister, Lea.
We enter a big, theater like, room, through tall double doors.
As we start walking up the steps of the theater I sense that something feels wrong. The palace is eerily quiet, and we are just waiting for something to happen, when a little girl appears to our right, standing amongst the seats of the theater.

The girl is very small, her hair is dark and smooth, her body plump and childlike. Her skin is the white of fine porcelain, making her resemble a doll. I can’t see her eyes, but it’s not because they are hidden beneath hair or because she just doesn’t have any. It’s like something is preventing me from seeing her eyes even though they are there.

And I think that same something is preventing her from seeing anything. She slowly feels her way towards us, aiming for the the sound we are making. She stop right in front of us and liftes her head as if to look us in the eye.

I get a strange feeling about the girl. I feel like she is the most dangerous thing in the castle, yet at that moment she doesn’t want to harm us. Her voice is high and childlike as she says: “Do you want to play hide and seek.”

I just nod, and even though I know she can’t see us she accepts the answer, and puts her hands over her eyes and starts counting.
I grab Lea’s hand and pulls her with me as we wind our way through the theater seats, looking for a place to hide. We tread very lightly, breathing very carefully as not to make any sound for her to find us. I get the dreadful feeling that if she finds us something very bad is going to happen. She stops counting and starts slowly walking through the theater, looking for us. Her head turns from side to side as she tries to pick up the slightest sound to give our hiding place away.

Lea and I are standing in the middle of a row of seat, in the center of the theater. We watch in dread as the doll-like girl slowly makes her way toward us. We start backing very slowly, still making sure not to make any noise. She is walking straight for us and she gets closer and closer, her outstretched hand almost grazed mine when Lea and I turn into another row of seats and freeze. She stops, her head turning slowly toward us, and then turning to the other side. She is silent for a moment before she turns into the row opposite from us.

I pull Lea with me as we move slowly toward the double doors from wich we entered. Then, Lea stubs her toe on a seat, creating a small noise that sound like a thunderclap in the silent room. We both look to the girl who stops dead in her tracks and turns to us with a quick and snapping movement. I know there is no turning back now, so I pull Leah with me and yell for her to run as we sprint down the stairs to the doors. I can almost feel the girl like a hand’s touch on my back as we run, expecting her any moment to grab me from behind, to tear the skin from my bones and laugh hauntingly. We reach the doors and just as we jumo through them the girl speaks a word from right behind us, though I can’t hear what she says. We stop and look back. The girl is standing inside the theater, looking at us through the open doorway, her face is drooping into an expression of hurt and abandonment. I am not fooled by her innocent expressions, but in an effort to leave this place without angering her further, I walk to her, motioning for Lea to stay behind. I walk to the girl, her face lifting to mine, even though her eyes are still hidden by that something. I stop in front of the girl, bow down and put my arms around her in a warm embrace. I feel her short arms folding around my shoulders, her skin hard and cold, like she is indeed made of porcelain. I pull away and she lets me go. I say to her:

“Goodbye now. We are going to leave, but it was nice playing with you.” I keep my voice light and joyful, but as I walk backwards towards Lea, I see something shift in her eyes. As I jump out the room I grab the double doors and shut them closed with a loud bang. I bend over, my heart racing, and a relieved laughter escapes my lips. I look at Lea, but she is not looking at me. Her eyes are pointed at another set of double doors to the right, opening up to the same room.
Fear grips my heart and i sprint forward. I stop in the doorway and see the girl standing there looking at me. I force a delighted smile to my lips, lifting my arms as i walk to her, as if to give her another hug, but just before I reach her I jump into a sprint and bring my leg forward with as much strength as I can muster and kick her straight in the face! The last thing I see is her flailing body flying through the room before I slam the doors shut.

And then I wake up.

When I told my sister, Lea, about the dream, she found it incredibly scary, until we reached the end. When I told her how I just kicked the girl in the face we were both bend over with laughter.

I really like this dream somehow. I love how creepy and eerie it is and I really, really want to write a story on it and illustrate it.


A great dream

January 13, 2018

I just had a fantastic dream.
In the dream I was with all of my family here in Denmark. We had this tradition once every year, where we would orchestrate the greatest water battle ever. It always took place in the garden of one of my uncles.
Somehow we managed to fill the entire garden with water, and then we build one big balloon ship were one team would be, and then two other smaller ships where the other two teams would attack from.
The mission for the smaller teams was that they would try to take over the big ship while fighting each other. But the great thing was that everyone were happy and laughing. No one got aggressive or mad or drowned or anything. And the team that I was on, was so good. We worked together very well. We dove into the water to try to tip the enemy ship. We build human ladders to try to make our way up to the big ship.
And the water was as blue and clear like water, like something you’d see on a beach in the Bahamas. And the sky was bloudless and forget-me-not blue. It was just the perfect day. And after the battle had ended we all gathered to sleep at their house in bunk beds and mattresses on the floor.
I realize now that the amount of people participating in the water battle itself were far too many to have just consisted of my family, but it was only after the battle that I remember seeing many people from our church being there. And we all laughed together about the battle, shared stories, and then laughed even more when we thought about what the neighbours thought of it.

After that I suddenly found myself in school. But it was not a normal class room but rather something you’d see in a university or a theater. And as I sat there in class I thought to myself that I should hurry down to the teacher’s desk to have them sign my yellow note, because when class ended you usually don’t have much time to do that before the teacher leaves. So i hurried down there because I knew class was about to end, but when I came down several other students were already waiting in line for him to sign their slips, only, their notes were white and not yellow. I found myself standing next to a friend, Rosa, whom also was in possesion of a white note, and I asked her what this was all about. I sensed that the white notes were affiliated with something the teacher had said right before I came down there, and therefore I might not have been paying enough attention to hear.
Rosa pulled out a white note from a bag on the teacher’s desk and handed it to me. On the note it said something like this:
“The case in which the person who gave the case to the one that now possess the case, is the suspect in question.”

I was naturally very confused, but Rosa was leaving and so was everyone else, and I was just trying to make sense of my note. I thought that maybe we had all been assigned a case to investigate and I just had to solve the case, but I would first have to understand what my assigned case was all about.

After this I suddenly found myself on a bike, zooming along a bike lane, grass to my left and the road to my right (which is a bit strange in itself since you drive on the right side of the road in Denmark).
And in my head was a conversation I had had with my Uncle, Kent. Kent, who was soon to travel to some far away country for his job, was speaking about the busses in Greenland (not the country he was to travel to). I don’t remember the excact conversation, only that he was being very passionate about it and the name of the busses had something to do with; 10.

How to explain what you don’t understand?

Friend: Sooo, how are you?

Me: …. yeah, good question.


I don’t understand my own mind. I don’t understand the thoughts and feelings that shoot through my head, and I don’t know what they mean. I don’t know why these thoughts occur in my head and why they make me feel like I feel. I don’t know if any of my thoughts are real, are legit, or If I am just making it all up. I don’t know what is true and what is false. So I actually don’t know how I am doing. Only that I am confused to the point that I can’t funtion porperly.

And I don’t know how to explain it all to you because my thoughts are so jumbled up and chaotic that I can’t figure out where to start, what started it all. And I don’t know how to talk about it, because everytime you ask me if I can explain I am only reminded of just how little I understand myself and how confused and broken I am inside right now.